Musings in the Hammock

Okay. So I don’t even know where to start. So many crazy, wonderful, and difficult things have happened since I’ve moved. So many things in my head that want to come out and be shared with everyone. And I’ve totally been slacking on doing any meaningful writing. Luckily for me one of my besties, Kina gave me this great book- 635 Things to Write About. So I’ve been able to at least pretend that I’m practicing my writing skills.
But in all actuality I’ve been settling into Island life. I’ll be honest. Things would have gone much more smoothly had I not totally sucked on saving money for my move. I barely made it out of Colorado with anything, (mostly due to poor judgment and lack of restraint) but was able to make it out and had my wonderful mom to help. Staying with her is not only fun and awesome, since she is totally my BFF, but has also been challenging and trying with lots of self reflection and mirroring of eachother. She has totally taken care of me and it’s a weird and awesome feeling to have that. 

I’ve also found that there is a trial period for Island living and you either make it and thrive. Or you don’t. Some say the first 3 to 6 months are the hardest. People don’t even want to consider you for a job unless you’ve lived here for at least a year. And literally everything takes longer amd is harder and usually done differently everytime. Flexibility is key.

Even in this first month I’ve tested all my limits on all levels. And damn does it feel refreshing. You have to live so authentic here that you either face yourself or go back to your comfort zone. And dont mind the people who don’t leave and just hide in rum… (Think Capt Jack Sparrow.) Regardless, you really get to know yourself here. And you get to really have the time to sit and choose what you want your life to look like.

I’ve had a sprained ankle, emergency visits to the vet, fights with my mom, job security thrown out the window (my solid massage job doesn’t exist yet… but maybe sometime this summer???), money taken because of poor judgment, and I still am living at my mom’s house and unable to support myself. Hard blow to the ego here.

And yet, I’ve also been boating to different islands every week, walking my dog more, going to the beach all the time and meeting some fantastic people. I’ve also had the time and space to realize that I have to grab hold of the wheel and choose my life. I have had to amend my plans sure, but I had the very strong realization that it’s all still my choice. Even when I’m scrimping and saving every penny and working at a place I didn’t think I would, doing a job I said I’d never do again (which for the record I totally love my barista job and couldn’t have found a better place to match my immediate needs), it’s still in my control. I can plan for something and work to get there. And not just on a fluke or because I got lucky, but because I decided I wanted it and made it happen. 

So ultimately as I sit here on this beautiful Sunday, resting in the hammock out on the porch overlooking the point of Peterborg, listening to the birds and the bugs, I’m planning my life and really seeing what I want and who I want to be and working toward it. 

Baby steps. 

Serious baby steps.

 But so worth it. Live the life you were ment to, but don’t for one second think it’s going to be handed to you. You have to be willing to let yourself be tested. And really be okay at looking at yourself with love and compassion.

Okay, that’s all for this round. 😘

Okay so I was reading an article about someone I really admire and came across a quote at the end of how they want to live their life and it literally brought me to tears because it so resonated with what I was feeling. (I will admit to being sick and doped up on all my natural remedies… and NyQuil… the best green magic aside from Absinthe.)

But I just wanted to share because really I feel like this is something we all yearn for but forget or are too fearful to pursue, but deep down is how we all secretly wish we could live.

“I want to meet people, see places, read a lot, write a lot, take a lot of pictures, learn as much as possible about the world and myself, all before I pass away,” he replies. “I don’t want to sit still and have regrets. I want to live a full life, and one that doesn’t require me taking from others in order to enjoy. I hope to leave the world a slightly better place in my wake.”

Taken From Sailing Today interview with Hugh Howey.

Okay this is harder than I thought…

I mean really. I was so jazzed up and stoked after my last (and only) post. Then I’ve done everything possible to avoid my computer. And to make myself feel better I’ve been jotting down notes for all kinds of posts and story ideas. Looking up how to be a successful blogger and pinned god knows how many writing Pins.

Then I realized that of course that was the case. Of course I got cold feet. I mean really how could I not? Here I am announcing to the world that “Hey! Look at me everyone! I’m writing stuff!!” And then my most favorite part! (Or not. Like seriously this is something I so struggle with so much.)

follow thru

Yay! The thing that makes you do the things. And this one thing I am totally invested in so it’s even scarier. I seriously don’t know how people do this so easily. Please tell me you spend most of your time procrastinating and then forcing a purge of words out… or is that just me?

I am also at this weird stage of having a million amazing ideas that are worthless. Or at least I get this great idea and then when I start to actually think about it I am like-

No. No. No. That’s drivel. No one wants to read about that!

But I’ve figured that really the only way I can get better AND see what people want to read about is to actually write and to write about cool shit that happens to me. Although, what I think is cool may not actually be cool soooo… there is that.

Also this is supposed to be a travel/food/awesome shit blog so I should post things along those lines too. Though I am sure you are loving this random stream of consciousness that makes up a bit of the mind of Me. I mean, I am enjoying this ramble, and I do have incredibly good tastes. Just say’in.

So this is what I am currently working on and what you have to look forward to. In no particular order.

~I think I have a Social Media problem.

~So is this Aerosol Spraying thingy just Conspiracy or not?

~Star Trek: TNG -Why it is Fucking Awesome. Obviously.

~Want to change your diet? How to get started. Cuz it’s hard. So hard.

~OMG I met Stuart Brand! And none of you know who he is…

(And yes at some point I’ll have some awesome ass posts about my trips to Prague, Amsterdam, Ireland, Italy, Spain, Morocco, and St Thomas… but sheesh! Have a little patience. It isn’t like this is supposed to be a travel blog!)

What are you looking forward to reading about? Leave a comment and maybe I’ll get that one out first.. Maybe not. Depends on if I like you or not. 😉

The Beginning of a Bad-Ass

So no one actually likes origin stories until after you have become a bad-ass.

At least that’s what I’ve noticed. No one gets excited when Joe Shmoe starts recounting his urban lifestyle growing up in south Denver, especially when the most exciting thing he’s done is flip burgers at the local fast food chain. BUT! If you take Joe and he has an accident me123with the fryer and is scarred for life and begins running around hatching evil plans for revenge on the corporate fiends that destroyed his decently comely face, well then maybe we do want to know about his dreams of being a model to raise money for his sister’s surgery. Or maybe not.

It seems like we don’t want to know about the little things that shaped a person into who they are until after they have become some one we admire or abhor. I find that interesting. I could really care less about a lot of people’s background until I start to get invested in them as a person. Then I want to know everything, even the most minute detail! So with that being the case, since you all don’t know me as well as you should, here is a little back ground on me. Obviously you can skip this part. Not until I’ve become a raging success will you all start pouring over my first blog posts and social media outlets looking for the little bits of information as to what made me different. Why was I successful? Or maybe the other way around… What made me into the monster I am? Muahahaha!!

But none the less, I will recount my humble beginnings and share just a little bit about the awesomeness that makes up the wonderful Me!

At the publishing of this post, I will have just entered my 28th year of exploring this fantastic planet. Not that this year is particularly important for any reason, but I know that this is the turning point year. I can feel it in my gut. This year’s birthday alsogrumpycat marked me one year divorced AND one year from realizing that I have a whole life ahead of me. Not that I didn’t realize it before, but I finally had the AhHa moment. The one that showed me that I was truly in charge of my own life and that from here on out all the good and bad things were my responsibility. And then I proceeded to run like hell away from that AhHa moment and hide in over-working and under-achieving while putting on the airs of just generally being miserable and a major grumpy pants. No one wanted to be around me or wanted to talk to me. Even I didn’t want to be around me.

I knew though, that as time would pass that this was really the opportunity I was looking for to make myself a better person that I could hope to imagine. And boy did it take some hard work! I mean really hard work. Therapy, affirmations, personal pep talks and sticky notes with self love lovehatemessages plastered all over my mirrors, I even decided to change my whole diet and work out regime. Which that in and of itself was one of the most important and difficult life changes I’ve had to make, but more on that later. So suffice to say that after annoying the hell out of all my friends and family with my positive message memes on Facebook and countless “But this is a blessing in disguise” crap for about a year, I was able to actually believe all of those positive messages about myself. Which has then led to the creation of this blog.

I have this love/hate relationship with writing. (Which is a killer band BTW). Anywho, love hate… oh writing, yes well it seems I am fairly decent at it. I even enjoy writinHanPopcicleg most of the time, especially if I have something to write about. At the same time because it has always been idolized in my head and from an early age I was 1000% sure that I was going to grow up to be a writer. And because of it I seemed to freeze my love for writing in carbonite. Because if I failed at my ‘for sure’ passion, well, what else was there left to do with my life? So in an effort to prolong the inevitable I did my very best to avoid writing. And I succeeded quite well too.

But as a firm believer in magic, manifestation, and omens it could not be more obvious that I needed to overcome this silly perfectionist’s fear of failure. It was like the Universe was like “Bra, I got you. Do the thing!! Just do it! Then you can do ALL THE THINGS.” This was evident by the increasing number of people telling me to write, the random reasons to write, and above all my complete and utterly nonsensical aversion to even wanting to attempt to sit down and let all this mess in my head out and onto paper. (Or glowing screeny things).

And then to nail that final nail in the coffin, I met some of my most favorite writers and saw that they were living the life that I wanted to live. And that above all else made me realize that in order to make all my dreams come true, I actually had to face the big scary boss at the end of the level. Luckily I’ve been practicing and may have even picked up some cheat codes to help me get through this level and out onto the other side of “Well that was easy, why was I such a weirdo about it?”

So welcome to my journey to of self actualization, or at least the never ending process of trying to achieve self actualization. Enjoy the ride. Connect and participate. Be a bad-ass and don’t forget to be Awesome!